Dear Shepherd

Anthony Gurrola is an artist who shares his prints on social media and his social media presence has blessed my life tremendously. this is the third time I have focused on one of his posts and made it the key theme of my blog post. if you have the time, please check out his work on Instagram, and even better if you feel led to buy a piece of his work I will link his Instagram handle here. @anthonygurrola (https://www.instagram.com/anthonygurrola/)

the caption reads;

"Dear Shepherd,

I am so sorry.

I know I’m probably the furthest thought from your mind right now.

After all,

What’s 1 to 99?

I know you may not miss me,

But I am realizing I miss you.

I thought maybe I could find greener grass a little further away from the herd.

I guess I didn’t think there would be enough for us all.

And I suppose I didn’t trust your plan for good things.

The thing is,

I don’t know where I am right now, but I know it’s not good.

Because you defined good.

You walked it out.

And I couldn’t see it.

And now,

You can’t see me.

My dear Shepherd, forgive me…

I know a search for me would mean you leave your home.

It would mean leaving your flock.

Honestly, I am unworthy of the pursuit.

I just wanted you to know I’m sorry I even left.

I left looking for greener grass but now it is stained red and I don’t know how much time I have left.

All I ask,

Is if you would remember me.

Remember me when you enter into your promised land.

As I close my eyes to see green one last time, I feel hands on my blood stained wool.

Strong like a wolf’s but in control like my master.

As my tears clear the way for my eyes to see I see the only thing I’ve wanted to see.

I see Him.

My Shepherd.

He is good!

He really is.

He breaks His staff.

Binds my leg to it.

It hurts.

But it’s safe.

He has come alone, but right now I feel like His whole world.

My friends, the Shepherd is good! He will let you leave.

But He will never be far.

He will let you get hurt.

Be death seems to fear Him.

How can a good shepherd want a wayward sheep like me?

My wool stains His hands. My wound breaks His staff. My thorns pierce His flesh.

And yet, He runs.

Not away from my mess.

But towards my heart.

The Shepherd is good, and I am His.

He told me, “99 is nothing without the one”

“And you are that one”

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This post reached me at the perfect time, and if I had to make this caption personal, it would go a little like this;

"Dear shepherd,

I am so sorry.

I know sorry isn't enough

I hate that sorry is the only word I resort to time and time again

I always say I'm going to change, but here I am again.

I thought I had grown out of running away

I know I could never actually run away from your presence

but the second I'm uncomfortable I avoid you.

Shepherd, you have cared for me, I know you love me, and I have seen your goodness time and time again

so why is it so hard for me to trust you?

I always try to take matters into my own hands

I always say that I do not desire anything that's outside of your will

but I ignore the fact that you are the God of the impossible and I run back to what seems the most "practical".

so instead of waiting for you to show me what you have planned out, I run away.

I get so impatient and I run straight to the things you delivered me from.

and then when I realize what I've done, I'm so ashamed that I just can't seem to open up your word anymore.

I can bow my head to pray because I'm so ashamed of my lack of self-control.

I don't want anything to do with you for weeks because when I see how good you are, I remember how much of that goodness I lack.

so I drown myself with distractions and run even further from you, but "it's all alright because I'm being productive" and "the shepherd knows my heart, he loves me and forgives me".

But why is it so hard to accept that love?

why can't I forgive myself for the things you have already forgiven me for?

if I'm being honest

I miss you so much

I miss talking to you

I miss feeling you beside me

I miss seeing your face in everything.

I miss the assurance that My shepherd approves of me

because how could you possibly approve of me now?

I'm so far away, and I'm so cold that I think this might be the end

but dear shepherd,

if you are still listening to this,

and if it's not too much of an inconvenience for you

I'm ready to come home

I can't promise you I won't ever run away again

because I break that promise a lot

but I miss you

and my heart has been longing for you this whole time"

and then I see posts like this and I see my shepherd running towards me. he leaves everything behind as he runs after ME. I wouldn't have waited so long for me to come to this realization. I wouldn't have even come searching for myself, but the shepherd thinks I'm worth it. and he thinks YOU are worth it. My shepherd is so good.

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What do you have to say to the Shepherd?

if you feel led to, I encourage you to write your own letter to the shepherd.