A Heavy Heart, A Faithful God

Hi,

Today's post isn't very encouraging.

I keep starting posts and just drafting them because, although I have so much to say, I also feel like I have nothing to offer.

There's been a lot of goodness—don’t get me wrong—and I have a lot I want to share and will eventually share. But something about posting this reminds me of when I first realized that God used me best when I was honest.

When I had a position where I could share with my peers weekly, I became known for being very honest about how hard life could get at times. I remember that the first few times I spoke, it was good, and I felt fine afterward, but that was it. I was comfortable, and that’s all there was to it.

But the day I was obedient, I had no idea what I was going to share. It was something super similar to this post, maybe almost identical. I went up before a huge group of high schoolers, and I cried. I told them I wasn’t okay. I told them a little about what was happening in my life at the time, and I told them that I had no idea what I was doing up there. Then I told them about Matthew 28:18-20.

 Jesus came and told his disciples, “I have been given all authority in heaven and on earth. Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations,[b] baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

I told them that I had nothing inspiring to say. I told them that I couldn’t believe I had trauma-dumped on them and cried. But then I told them that, although I wasn’t okay, all I had left to do was hold on to those last few words of the scripture I read: “Be sure of this, I am with you always.”

Right now, all I have is a heavy heart.

And it seems like everyone else has one too.

I don’t know what you might be going through. I won’t even list out options pretending to know. But I invite you to join me and be honest with the One who is with you always.

Right now, all I have is:“Jesus, I’m not doing too well. I need Your help.”

That’s all I have to say.

I told you this wasn’t an encouraging post.

I don’t have much to offer you. Just know that if you’re struggling, you’re not alone—Not because I can currently relate to you,But because Jesus is right there with you.

And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” NIV

And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” NLT

And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.” ESV

lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen. KJV

Jesus,

I’m not doing too well. I need Your help. You know what’s on my heart; You know what keeps me up at night. This fear and anxiety are not from You. You came so that I might have life and have it in abundance. Your thoughts for me are of hope and a future.

I know You are with me in this struggle. There has not been a single tear that I have cried that You haven’t taken notice of. You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in Your bottle. You have recorded each one in Your book.

Remind me that Your grace is sufficient for me. I hear that this is when Your power works best. I hear that in my brokenness, I am the easiest to mold. You are the potter—make me into what You want me to be. Let these tears water the fruits that I will bear for You.

I have seen Your faithfulness, and I know I will see it again. I might not have words that flow nicely. I might not have much to offer You right now. So I offer my heavy heart, my unsteady mind, and myself as a broken vessel.

I hear what You did for the willing back then, and I believe You can do it again. I might not know much, but I know You are with me. And that, especially now, means everything to me.

Amen.

Friends,

Jesus is with us.

Something tells me that's more than enough.