Kingdom Mindset (reflection)

The following passage is reflection documented in my journal during December 2023.

"In 2023, God placed the words "kingdom-minded" on my heart to be my words for the year. So far, this year has felt like it almost took me out, but the Lord is so faithful. In Israel, the Lord confirmed that this word was not just the focus of my 2023 but for the rest of my life. On Mount Carmel, he showed me that the only one reigning in my life has to be him, and as a result, everything that I idolized was removed from my life. He removed every distraction, to the point where all that I had left was what pushed me to be devoted to him. At the Wailing Wall (Western Wall), when leaving my prayer, the only thing that flowed from my heart was that my life would be devoted to the expansion of his kingdom, right after, almost as a confirmation of that prayer, he filled me with his spirit at the site where Pentecost first happened.

This year I learned that to live for the kingdom means to continuously surrender things that I never thought I'd even be in the position to have to give up. This year has shown me that a win for a kingdom is a win for me, even though I might not always feel victorious. I learned that he will never allow me to be destroyed, but if it's to position me into a posture of receiving his power and anointing, I will be gracefully broken (but he will hold my hand through every step).

This year I felt pain in a new way, I had never experienced so much heartache. And when I reached the point of feeling like life itself was no longer worth living, I was radically saved. As I was learning to be kingdom-minded this year, I learned that God is a Holy God, he cannot abide in darkness and sin, so in order for him to continually remain in me, I need to continuously pursue holiness. I learned that sometimes favor can feel like a “burden,” because we begin to feel the weight of God’s glory over our lives, but that “burden” is not something we ever have to carry alone.

When growing in a kingdom mentality, I had to put my pride aside, A LOT. I had never even considered myself a prideful person until I had to wrestle with forgiveness and extend it to people who had hurt me and had made me feel worthless. I learned to smile through uncomfortable times because I had to look for joy in places where I felt bitterness.

And even though 2023 produced so much growth, I have so much I need to learn. Kingdom mindset isn't over after 2023; this year was only the beginning. I pray that when I think about these words and this year, I will remember how faithful the Lord was to me. I pray that everything I do, everywhere you send me, every goal you allow me to reach will never be for anyone's glory but yours.

That every fruit I produce will be because of you, for you, and for your kingdom. Because at the end of the day, for me living is Christ and to die is gain. (Philippians 1:21)