Testifying in the In-Between (Testimony... Kinda)

Shalom, y’all!

I don’t know why I’m opening this up so joyfully this post is probably gonna be a little sad. But I have felt called for the longest time to be authentic about my struggle IN THE MIDDLE OF MY STRUGGLE.

A lot of the time, we believe that testifying and pouring into others only happens after we overcome our struggles. And I’ve noticed a few times where I would think, “God will use this someday,” or “This will help me relate to someone someday.” But recently, I felt a conviction come over me, reminding me of how frustrated I felt during a really difficult season of my life almost two years ago.

I would see all these Christian influencers post the aftermath—how Jesus healed them, freed them, and delivered them. I would see clips of people crying online, sharing their life transformation in 20 seconds. And honestly, it made me feel frustrated because YES, praise God for what He did in your life! But I remember wishing that someone was sharing the in-betweens—the real and raw moments where you almost throw in the towel, but somehow, God gets you through the day.

And that’s what faith is. It’s a day-by-day walk. It’s hard. Horrible things happen all the time. And horrible things will still happen whether we walk with Jesus or not. The choice is ours: How do you want to walk through life?

AND YEAH, I KNOW.

I haven’t posted in almost two months. And the last time I did, it was a really heavy post.

I wish I could tell you life was better. It’s not.

I literally feel like this year is going to be the end of me. But I want to be honest and testify to God’s goodness IN THE IN-BETWEEN. Because yeah, I have never dealt with anxiety to the intensity that I have been dealing with it lately. But God is good anyway. I have had more panic attacks in the last few months than in the past 19 years I’ve been alive. But God is faithful anyway.

And the only thing I really know is that I have been held by Him—always.

My cousin Daisy shared a song with me this week, and these are the lyrics:

"Jesus, I was tossed in the water,

But I never went under,

You were always on time.

And Jesus, when I went through the fire,

You were right there beside me,

And you were always on time.

You were always, always, always on time.

There’s never been a day,

never been a minute,

never been a moment that You weren’t in it.

There’s never been a time that You didn’t see me through, God.

So I worship You."

And here’s the thing I’ve learned:

God’s character remains the same, no matter what I’m facing.

He is so steadfast.

He is so dependable.

He is so faithful that it’s almost confusing.

Jesus has been at work in and through me, not because of me, but in spite of me

I always assumed I had to wait until I was over the hardship in order to help others.

Because how could I possibly pray for someone battling mental health issues when I’m struggling with anxiety myself, right? NO. NOT RIGHT.

Jesus wants to use us NOW.

Why would you wait when He has called you NOW?

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it’s draining. Yes, I’m literally falling apart.

But those around us are also facing hard times.

Those around us are also drained.

Those around us are also literally falling apart.

Now, imagine how many people are right there struggling with you.

We don’t need more people acting like everything is okay. We hear testimonies about how God brought people through, but what about right now?

What is God showing you right now?

How is God dealing with you right now?

Last month, I was awake all night. I couldn’t sleep because I was feeling so nervous. And then I got a message from a friend.

We had not talked about what was going on in each other’s lives, and she reached out, opening up about what she was facing and asking if I could pray for her.

I wish I could have said, “Yeah, I used to be in your shoes. Here’s how God helped me overcome this.” But all I had was something along the lines of:

"Same. I’m right there with you. I know what you feel, so I know exactly how to pray. Please pray for me too."

And since that day, we have been checking up on each other.

Guys, the world around us is suffering. And us acting like nothing is wrong doesn’t change that suffering.

We can’t heal their suffering; only Jesus can.

But how special would it be to meet them in their struggle?

"Hey, I’m actually losing my mind too, but let me tell you how I’ve seen Jesus in the midst of my hardship. I know how you feel. Let me pray over both of us so that God will meet us in the middle of our struggle and inject us both with the faith we need to keep going."

How much more effective would we be if we were authentic about our struggle?

If you’re still reading,

I pray that you will be challenged to testify in the in-between.

I pray that you will know you’re not alone.

I pray that God will surround you with others who will help you feel seen and understood.

I pray that you don’t waste the opportunity to share about the purity and intimacy of God’s goodness in the in-between.

I hope you remember that one day, we will testify about how He brought us through this hardship.

It won’t last forever. He will see you through. He is right there with you.

But remember how you feel in the in-between. Spend time with someone in their in-between. Ask God to teach you how to pour into others while they are in their in-between.

I love you all, and I pray you remember how faithful Jesus is, especially right now, in the in-between.

I might not be out of this hardship. I might still be struggling. And I hope that one day soon, I will have a part two to this testimony, sharing how God brought me through.

But right now, I want you to know that if you’re in the in-between, I’m right there with you.

And most importantly, Jesus is right here with us.