FEAR NOT

what does the bible say about fear?

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7

I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me? Psalm 56:3-4

I love reading these verses, they're encouraging and inspiring, but I know I'm nit the only one who has a tough time really believing them.

I haven't posted on my blog for over a month because of fear.

I haven't prayed on an altar comfortably because of fear.

I want to think that I always had a bit of empathy for those who had gone through church hurt. But when I experienced JUST A BIT of it for the very first time my perspective of Church hurt changed.

If you had the chance to read my testimony, you will see that last summer I was deeply struggling with suicidal thoughts and my will to live was not very high. this was what my summer was consumed by. The nice thing was that even when I felt angry, sad, and confused about all those thoughts and that season of my life in general, I always felt like I could voice those feelings to God.

after 3 months of struggling with all of that, We had a guest preacher come to my church one Sunday. He preached and when the time for altar call came, he made every person stand up and walk through a line while he prayed for each individual at our church. I was towards the end of the line and when I finally got to be prayed for, all he said was that I had offended God and that God was disappointed in me. when I went to pray on my own I felt so angry and hurt. I wasn't suicidal because I WANTED to be, and I was the one who was constantly praying for God to deliver me from that desert.

That day I spoke to my friend about what had happened and my friend and her dad spoke against that statement and reminded me of Matthew 11:28-30.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

3 days later I went to camp and I felt God heal my heart in a divine way.

so I thought that all those struggles were gone, but I was wrong.

the past year I have felt anxious every time I saw a guest speaker arrive at our church. If I could, I would avoid altar calls.

at special services, I would avoid making eye contact with the speakers and I would purposely stay out of their way on the altar.

about a week ago, my friend and I had the opportunity to go to my church district women's camp and serve as ushers. My mom was in charge of the ushers and because of that, she was always on the altar doing altar ministry during altar calls. she needed the ushers to be ready to be called up there and help her tend to the needs that any of the women praying might need, and every time she asked me to help during that time, I would run and call someone else instead of going up to the altar myself.

I was afraid of how holy the moments those women were having on the altar were, and how unholy I am. I know that any ministry is not something you take lightly because it is to serve God's people, and all the glory belongs to him.

nights before the camp I kept feeling the weight of his glory, and the contrast of my unholiness.

On the last day of camp, most people had gone to get lunch, but there were a few women who had stayed on the altar and it was a beautiful sight. like I had done the majority of the camp during the altar call time, I had stayed in a dark corner on the side and just watched.

one of the guest speakers saw me and I took a step back to try to get out of her eyesight, and I thought I had. Then she came up to me asked me to drop everything I was holding, and said she wanted to pray for me because God had something to tell me. I closed my eyes and braced myself for a tongue-lashing from God, I was ready for him to tell me he was upset about all the mistakes I had been making and how I had to do better.

the very first words that come out of her mouth are, "You do not have to be afraid. God sees your effort, and he delights in you as his daughter, You do not have to live in fear anymore".

she said a lot more but the very first things she said left me in awe. That same day, 2 other women came to pray for me and affirmed the same things she had spoken over me.

I want whoever is reading this to know that you do not have to live in fear. God is not afraid of our mess. When Jesus walked on earth, his enemies were not the sinners, the sinners were the ones he called closer to himself. we are the ones he says "come to me" to. Your heavenly father isn't looking at you with disgust, he delights in you as his child.

if you've been having trouble coming to him, praying to him, going to church, or whatever it is that your fear is standing in the way of. I want to remind you of one of my favorite verses.

Zephaniah 3:17

The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”

Your heavenly father delights in you, you don't have to be afraid.